Worth It?

Sometimes I hate animation. So much that I actually begin to believe I could just turn my back on the whole thing and go and do something a lot less stressful. Like achieve world peace. Or chase butterflies.

I've been working ALL day (hours and hours of exposure to screen radiation...) on a 3-D model that I need to get done for a college project and have barely done a 1/4 of what I was supposed to. And there's two other projects I need to make a dent into and then my portfolio to polish up. Did I mention I sometimes hate this career?

You can sit and struggle with one tiny detail and it Just. Won't. Work. And there's absolutely nothing you can do about it except keep trying minute variations of the same thing in the hope that something somehow will work and you can hit Ctrl + S as soon as it does.

Oddly, this morning I was explaining the process of animation to my mum and after I'd gone through the whole 24 drawings per frame and acted out poses for her in slow motion and all, there was this pause and then she asked: "But is it worth it?"

And when I exclaimed in indignation "Of course!" she smiled and my dad chuckled, like it was a plot on their part just to make sure that if I was going insane, it was for a reason I believed in. It made me realise that a lot of people would - and do - just give up when it gets too hard. I'm hoping I don't become one of them.

I worry sometimes that being an animator demands more of a person than I can give. It's hard for family and friends to understand this sudden withdrawal from so many social circles simply because I don't have the time for it all anymore! Most times they ask me when I'll be done with the course, because then I'll go back to 'normal' life. How do I explain this is what normal is going to be like from now on?

No wonder so many artists are lonely people or hang out only with their own kind. We really are a species unto ourselves in some ways.

Enough rambling though. If the project works out (and I don't have a choice except to make sure it does) I'll put up screenshots and all. But in the meantime, it's a Godforsaken hour of the night and I have to get back to work - because yes, it IS still worth it. :)